substance and evidence...

I am at this incredibly interesting point in my life. I've resigned from my job ~~ a very comfortable position that pays well and comes with a free house and tons of other perks ~~ to enroll in school fulltime this fall to pursue my oft-postponed Bachelors degree in Elementary Education. Not only does this decision force my family to uproot (again), but it changes our financial circumstances greatly. I'll be cutting our family income more than in half AND adding the cost of three years of fulltime higher education to our expenses. Ouch. But I'm doing it anyway.

A few short years ago, I would have never, and mean NEVER, done anything like this. I would have never asked my family (my children) to sacrifice anything for something that I wanted to do, even if that something meant the world to me. I was in college originally when I got pregnant with my first child. I dropped out to stay home to raise him, and don't regret that for a moment because I loved loved LOVED being a stay-at-home mom...but that truly was my descent into the world of "everything before me", and I often wonder what my life would have looked like had I tried then to balance me and them like I strive to now. Even as melancholy as that sounds, I truly have no regrets.

So back to right now ~~ I am employed through the summer I'm fairly sure, and I am also fairly certain that I have a home at least until the middle of June, maybe the first of July. But after that, I haven't a clue. I have no job lined up (although I've pretty much been offered two, unofficially) and I have no idea where we're going to be living, and my husband is currently out of work so I truly do have no idea how we are going to get by. But I know we are...

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I believe that word from Scripture (Hebrews 11:1), and I believe it is that faith that is carrying me right now. Today was hard ~~ it isn't like me to worry, and today I was just overcome with anxiety about just about anything my mind could drum up. Money, housing, jobs, healthcare, insurance, school for my kids ~ you name it, I fretted about it today. I'm still a bit uneasy tonight, which is probably why I find myself here at the computer just now. But somewhere in the thinking part of my brain is the knowledge and the belief that I have the promise of things hoped for and not seen. Once the feeling part of my brain worries itself into exhaustion tonight, I am hopeful that the thinking process kicks back in with some substance and evidence for me to cling to as I drift off to sleep.