getting older...

Both my daughter and my husband sat on my glasses last week. Now they (the glasses) sit a little bit cock-eyed on my face, and I fear that is what has been causing the headaches I've been pretty much constantly having since then. It is time for a new prescription and check up anyway, but I really don't look forward to it ~~ my eyesight seems to be the one area of my life in which I am not coping well with aging.

My hair began to gray over 12 years ago. I don't exactly remember when ~ I just remember that I was already coloring it when Naomi was born, and she is 12 now. As long as Loreal stays in business, graying hair won't bother me.

My knees have been bad for a long time (due to tilted knee caps, not age) so their increasing aches and pains, while annoying (and painful), don't really cause me to think too much about aging.

I love my birthday, so I look forward to it all year long - it never causes me any "getting older angst".

I've conceived, carried, birthed, and breastfed five kids - gravity took its toll LONG ago so, yeh, no worries there either.

"Fine lines and wrinkles" just happen. Every so often I notice a new little crinkle, but no real angst about those either. I am sure one day my grandchildren will say something to me along the lines of what Nattie said to my mom a few Halloweens ago ("You should be a witch this year, Tottee - you've already got such good wrinkles!"), but I'm not there yet ~~ with the wrinkles or the grandkids ~~ so I don't think too much about it.

I did notice something a bit unsettling with my chin a couple of weeks ago, but that probably has more to do with the ten extra pounds I seem to have found recently as opposed to my upcoming 46th birthday.

But this eyesight thing has got me a little bit down...

I've had these glasses for a few years now. I remember the appointment clearly - it was a substitute doctor doing the exam. I told him I needed to update my frames, and that I probably needed a new prescription too because it had "been awhile". I explained to him that I was far-sighted, but needed help up close, and that my left eye was much worse than my right eye (always had been). He did the exam, came back in and began to explain to me that, yes indeed I was farsighted, and, why yes, my left eye was worse than my right....BUT (uh oh) from the exam he could tell that I was "beginning" to need some help faraway as well, and that my right eye had begun to slip a bit too. He had started to explain a lense that could help me when I stopped him.

"You're getting ready to use the B word with me, aren't you?" I asked.

He was young - maybe 27 - and relatively new to the field, let alone our office. "Oh NO maam, I would NEVER say that!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide in disbelief that I would think, let alone verbalize, such a thing.

"Bifocal," I said.

He paused, momentarily relieved. "Oh, yes maam then I am, " he said, quickly adding, "But they make them without the line now you know!"

I believe my response was something along the lines of "You're d*** right they make 'em without the lines!"...and thus my journey into the world of bifocals began.

The first few weeks were awful. I needed the top part of my lense to see to walk down the stairs, but it was the bottom half that came naturally to my view when actually going down the stairs. That didn't work so well.

Then there's the fact that when I lay on my bed to watch TV, the pillows prop my head up in such a way that I have to position my glasses to rest about halfway down my nose in order to be able to see clearly. This makes me look like some cross between an old school librarian, and Mrs. Lathrop, my (back then) 80 year old high school typing teacher.

But I got used to them...and I grew dependent upon them. Just last week, I went to lunch with our Wednesday volunteers. I forgot my glasses at home and actually had to ask for help in reading the check so I knew how much to tip. This did not make me happy, although it did seem to amuse my 25 year old program director, and my 35 year old maintenance man. Glad I could help.

I am not sure what it is about my changing eyesight that has me down, especially considering that none of the way more painful, or noticeable, attributes of aging do, but it definetely bugs me. I think the only thing that would maybe bug me more is if this next appointment, we begin talking about the T word.