I run a camp, so, subsequently, I live here too, with my family. Its 150+ acres (the "little piece of heaven" I refer to on my profile). I live surrounded by beautiful trees, a river, great trails to hike, and the many amenities of a camp - a pool, an indoor gym, and worship center where my family and I like to go watch movies on the big screen, a cook year-round, etc.. One of those amenities is a high ropes challenge course. If you're not familiar with what that is, it is a version of an obstacle course thirty-five feet off the ground, up in the trees. You could probably Google "high ropes course" or "challenge course" and get a good visual of what I am talking about. Ours is three summers old - we built it in 2004 - contains five elements.
I don't mind heights, but I am scared to death of being out of control - I hate roller coasters and those stupid "virtual reality" rides like Star Tours at Disneyland. I am a "its a small world after all" girl all the way....soooooooo, needless to say, the high ropes course is not my thing. I went down the last element - a zip line - when we completed the course in 2004. Actually, the course wasn't even completed when I went down the zip. My colleague, Al, was working on the fourth element (the zip is the fifth) as I scaled the tree to go down the zip line. I was 35 feet up in the air, standing on a tiny wooden platform, trying to mentally prepare myself for stepping off a platform while hooked to a cable, and "zipping" about 70 (??) yards down through the trees and into our ball field. "Trying to mentally prepare myself" was defined as this: Choking back tears and asking Al for tequila, a pretty funny (now) statement as Al is a rather conservative colleague, and absolute tee-totaler. I've been in no rush to climb back up into the trees to zip again, or check out any of the other elements. But this summer, I required my entire staff to go through a complete ropes course training, and I promised them that, if they all passed, they could put me through the course before the summer's end. Today is August 24th - that is pretty darn close to the summer's end, so today, they decided, was "the" day, which means that lastnight was not my best night's sleep ever.
My favorite part of my job is the amazingly GREAT people that it brings into my life, and my staff kids have to be at the top of that list. They are, hands down, the most positive, encouraging, hard-working, supportive, and all around GREAT people. They bring so many blessings to my world, I couldn't even begin to explain it here. So, today, there we were - all gathered around our ropes course, and, after a couple of them went up, it was my turn to give it a whirl. My knees were shaking I was so nervous and scared.
Our first element is a giant's ladder - three pieces of PVC-like pipe, suspended in the trees resembling a big ladder, and the purpose of the element is to maneuver your way up the ladder (the rungs are about five feet apart, and, again, hanging in the middle of the trees, so, thusly, swaying A LOT as they are climbed!!!) and onto the platform that leads you to the second element. Everyone told me the ladder was (is) the hardest element, and that it requires a lot of upper body strength to pull yourself up from rung to rung. I made it as far as standing on the first rung, attempting to maneuver myself up to the second...but I have never had a lot of upper body strength, so once my arms began to shake and ultimately go numb, I asked to be "bileted" (I have no idea how you spell that, but you pronounce it "bih lay") back down. I skipped that element, and the one it leads into, and began to climb the tree to the third element, an Indiana Jones style bridge.
This bridge is made up of groups of wooden slats that move when you step onto them. Each group is just a little further apart than would be comfortable to just walk across....and then, oh yeh by the way, there's that whole "connected by a wire cable thirty-five feet in the air" thing. But, with my staff kid CJ's help, and a LOT of encouragement from the others, I successfully got across both that bridge, and the subsequent "Tarzan rope element" that followed. It was on that Tarzan element that I named this blog.
From the platform, you step out onto a cable - that's it, a wire cable, perhaps two inches in diameter, maybe less, and begin to navigate your way across it by holding onto, and pulling yourself forward (well, sideways really because you are standing sideways on the cable) across to the zip line's platform. Again, the ropes are just far enough apart that it is a stretch to have your right hand hanging onto one of them at the same time that your left hand is as well. I believe there are five or six ropes. I was two ropes into my travels across the cable (did I mention that the cable is pretty small????), again with CJ right there before me, encouraging and coaching all the way, when I just about gave into my fear. Again, it isn't the fear of the heights - in fact, I quite liked the bird's eye view of everything from up there (it was my second great view of the day, but that is another blog.....) - but the fear of being out of control. I did not feel in charge at that moment and that scares me to death. I was thirty-five feet in the air, walking on a small piece of wire, navigating my hands from swinging rope to swinging rope, trembling so badly that the wire beneath my feet was shaking. I wanted off that cable so badly, I cannot even begin to tell you how much so. I had two or three ropes left and I was about to lose it. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and my heart was pounding so hard I felt like it was about to erupt out of my chest. I wanted off that cable. It was at that do or die, now or never, sink or swim, **** or get off the pot moment, that I very clearly heard my friend, Jeff's words, "Fear is not of God." Fear is not of God.
Jeff is a gifted dramatist and his ministry is traveling around the world, helping people learn to use the creative arts to share the Gospel message. In his travels, he works to bring folks out of their comfort zone in regards to using drama, movement, and other creative "stuff". This stuff does not scare me at all, but it terrifies many...and his encouragement to them is always that statement - fear is not of God. I can talk to anybody at any time about anything and not be scared. I can talk in front of hundreds, if not thousands of people, and not be scared. I am in no way, shape, or form, afraid of being in front of people, and / or making a fool of myself while I am there - in fact, truth be told, I love it. I absolutely LOVE being the center of attention! But today, I was absolutely paralyzed with fear when it came time to reach out for that third set of ropes.....but, say it with me now, "fear is not of God". And, despite what my profile says, really, above all I am a child of God. I know Him. I love Him. I trust Him. And I know that fear is not of Him.
Today, on that cable, I swallowed my tears of fear (not to be confused with the 80's one-hit-wonders, Tears for Fears, of "I know this much is true" fame....well, ok, "fame" might be a bit of a stretch....). Anyway, I swallowed my tears, and I took a breath so deep that my heart had no choice but to stop pounding so damn hard, and I told myself that I am a child of the Most-High God, and that fear is not of Him, and I reached for those ropes that CJ was holding out for me. And guess what? They were there. I grasped that set of ropes, and the next ones as well, and I made it to the platform, hooked onto the zip line, and sailed off down through the trees without even one thought of tequila (well, ok, maybe just one...but it was brief!). It was an amazing experience.
How many times in life are we faced with those "do or die" moments - those moments where everything feels dangerously suspended in mid-air, and the ropes to safety and security are just out of our reach? I can think of many times when I have been afraid, only to succumb to that fear and not even attempt to grab the rope, let alone perhaps miss it. I was so proud and pumped when I came down from that zip line today - I had DONE IT!! I had conquered a three-year long fear and I had overcome what I thought to be my own mental weaknesses. How many opportunities to feel like that have I missed because I didn't hear, or didn't know, or didn't accept, that fear is not of God. How many other amazing experiences have I missed out on because I have indeed, been afraid?
Tonight, I am choosing to acknowledge those losses, but not dwell on them. Tonight, I am celebrating today's win, and I am feeling pretty darn good about continuing on across that cable this afternoon, empowered by the encouragement of my amazing staff kids, and the safe-keeping of my awesome God. I gotta admit, that feels pretty good.
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