on my knees

I had a relatively crappy day today - its bound to happen, even to a Pollyanna like me. But my crappy day, a recent "devotional thought" I was asked to share with my board, and a really cool online group I am a part of (www.epinoiacafe.com) got me to thinking tonight about prayer, and how it relates to crappy days.

There's a lot going on in my world right now. Job transitions are forthcoming, there's an impending move, decisions to be made about where is the "right" place for us to be living and raising the girls....there's just a lot going on. That in itself probaby leaves me a bit more open and prone to a certain level of anxiousness and anxiety, but I am working really hard right now to not have those stressors take me away from a relatively new renewal to my commitment to prayer.

My board met last week (or maybe it was two weeks ago now) and since it was more-than-likely my last meeting with them, our chairperson asked me to bring the opening devotional thought. Rather than "preaching", I decided to just share openly from my heart what it has meant to me to share in work and ministry with them, through this beautiful place, for the last four years. As I retold the story of being called here, I was reminded of (and shared with them) God's faithfulness to my plea for a "no-brainer" after I fell on my knees one night, in literal, prone, and ultimate defeat, heartache, and brokenness. I wondered aloud with my friends and colleagues why I don't get on my knees more when praying to God.

I read tonight on Epinoia that perhaps prayer is more a lifestyle than a spiritual discipline. This reminds me of Rick Warren's thoughts on worship (a lifestyle vs. something we come to, and / or "do" on Sunday mornings). It also reminded me of something I heard when I was very young - that every conversation we have should be thought of as a conversation with (or prayer to) God. If God is really with us all the time, then God is certainly privvy to everything we do and say, and when we think about it that way, what a difference there could be in what really does come out of our mouths, both directly and indirectly, towards God - in prayer, if you will.

My day was tough enough today that I am pondering getting back on my knees when I am finished writing this, although my right knee is hurting so much right now (another reason I feel a bit more prone to being a bit blue right now...), I am not sure that is the best idea I've had. Maybe I should get on my knees in theory tonight, and just remind myself in a few moments of silent prayer that I am really not alone, that God really has a lot this covered, and that, either because of me or in spite of me, God's plans for me, my family, and our life together, will ultimately prevail.