This is my 20th first day of school. Twenty. When did I get so old?
Seriously, I remember walking into Jacksonville Elementary with Stevie, twenty years ago today (give or take a couple of days I'm sure), holding his little hand in mine, and fighting back the tears. His dad had just left us the day before, and none of us knew what the implications of that were going to end up being, yet my tears that day were mostly first-day-of-school related. Above all else, I am a mom...
The following September, it was me and Danny, hand in hand, walking into Roosevelt Elementary. Life was a bit calmer then - at least not so unknown - but there were still tears. Maybe it was the "my baby boy is leaving" thing, or maybe there is just something about this day of school emotion that lets you know life will never be as it was again. And if you really liked "as it was", leaving that behind can somewhat suck.
1998 - me and my boyz.
Fast-forward to 1989 - it's Noelle's hand I hang onto in that memory. I am embarrassed to admit that I cannot recall Stevie's kindergarten teacher's name, but Dan and Noi both had Mrs. Munson. Patty Munson - - my kids loved her, absolutely loved her. I cried when I left Noelle there, but I was excited for her too. I knew Mrs. Munson would make Noelle's kindergarten experience wonderful, just as she had done for Danny, and I was right. I am not sure it ever gets any better for kids than kindergarten
Then came a string of non-first time first days. First days of school, but not first times at school as well. Different? Yes. Easier? No. Rites of passage always make me cry, and first days of school are no exception.
Today was the first day of middle school for Naomi. And the first day in the "upper building" (grades 4-8) for Nattie. Naomi has a locker to master now, PE clothes to buy, and electives to choose. She's growing up faster and faster with each passing day, and while I adore the young woman she is growing into, I can't help but miss my precious little baby girl. No one ever tells you that this part of being a mom is so incredibly hard.
Then there's my baby - truly, my baby. The fifth of five, and she is growing like a weed as well. The 2006 / 2007 school year is here, and Nattie is navigating her way around a new classroom, her sister's old one. Its a 4th / 5th blended room, so she is now in a class that is about 50% her pals, and 50% Naomi's classmates and friends from last year. She's going to enjoy that class.
I was actually doing fairly well today - I'd had a couple of weepy moments early on, but by the time it was time to get the girls moving in a forward direction, I had pulled it together fairly well. We (Oscar is always here for first days of school) dropped Naomi off, helped her with the locker combination, got her signed in and settled in, and then we headed back to get Nattie. "Middle School - can you believe that O?" I asked him in the car on the drive back to the house.
"No, I really can't, "he replied, "And just think, six more years and then she's gone." Ok, so, HELLO?!! This was NOT the thing to say to me right at that moment. The floodgates opened and the melancholy feeling has not left me yet. I think that's because with older kids who are 25, 23, and 21 this year, I know just how fast those six years will go. And no one wants to hold their mom's hand when they go into school for their senior year.
September whatever-the-day-will-be, 2012 will be my 27th first day of school; 2014 my 29th. Yet they won't feel any differently than that day in September of 1987, or '88, or '89...or any of the others inbetween now and then.
Thank God for Bindy.
